Prospects and guess who

So, the other night, out with friends, one leaned across to the other and said "we've got to find Tony a girlfriend!"

It made me laugh. Have I become so pathetic?

To be honest, I think I'm working some angles my self.

There is a girl, one I have been set up with, whom I called last week, and we are supposed to go out this week. Nearly impossible as her only free time is my busy times. Still, maybe I can talk her into drinks after 10. If she feels like staying up late one night. So, there is that.

Then, there is a girl who I have been chatting with over the myspace. She is the one I met and asked out, only to be rejected. Well, we type to each other about three times a week. It's gone from goofy jokes to serious talks to wishes and dreams. I think she is totally cool, but she is a mom with 2 kids and I don't think she is looking for the same thing I am.

Too bad.

There are a couple of girls who are in one of the classes I assist. They are both single, and I think have a bit of a crush on me. I can't date them while they are students, but the class they are in ends in two weeks, and it isn't an ongoing thing. So, I might make a move. They are youngins, but seem really classy and mature. I invited both of them to my sketch show tonight.

There is a girl who I briefly met last week, who is in a troupe with one of my friends. I saw her, and thought she was cute, and we were kind of making eyes at each other, and then I found out she was in the troupe with my friend. So, rather than be a guy who hits on a girl at a bar (cheesy, sometimes) I opted for going through my friend. I'm not sure about this girl. I have since found that she was in the Navy. That seems like too much testosterone for me to impress. Still, who knows.

Then, not as an option, but just as a thought, I have a returnee. I am back in a show with TO. I had truly managed to displace her spell over me. It sort of took two months of just removing myself from her presence. Then, we got cast in this show. We've done two shows, and I try to not talk to her much backstage, but I'm not ignoring her. Well, each time, she makes a point of coming to me to talk.

This past week, she bought me a drink before hand. It was the drink I would always have before our other show. I asked if she was flush with money these days, and she said no, she just thought I was special. Red flag! I smiled, and left the room. I must admit though, that girl is perfect when I look at her. Something about the sparkle in her eyes. If I ever see that in another, who is single, I am jumping on that, because it is magic.

So, I'm not obsessing over TO, so don't worry, but she is back in my life again. I think however, I am in a stronger place this time. I feel options out there, and she becomes not so important because of that. Plus, those options don't have boyfriends, which I have come to find is a problem.

For better, for worse

Well, I just came back from lunch with NB. It was actually good to see her, and there wasn't any weirdness, or sadness, or annoyance. It was just friends having lunch, and catching up.

Oh, yeah, and going over their divorce papers. Looking into it further, it isn't as hard as it seems. I have to submit some papers to the court, and get a file number. Then, I serve some papers to her, and she signs them. Then, I wait 31 days, and file those papers with the courts, and then in about six months we are thru.

We laughed over the fact that I am divorcing Her. Well, I laughed. Oh, she did too.

So, I am glad that that is going better.

Tonight is the assisting at the studio. Odd thing, last night SS seemed to be harsh with me. I think he wanted me to be more of an input in this dramatic class he is teaching, but I've never seen it before, so I told him I have to observe it first. He said he wants more out of me, and I better be ready to teach by January.

The guy who I assist in comedy, SS's old assistant, assisted for three years before teaching. I should get at least that amount of time, and I think I will point that out to SS. I think he just really believes in me, and wants to stop teaching himself, so he is rushing me. Then, by rushing me, I am not living up to his expectations.

Anyway, he seemed annoyed. Maybe he was tired. We'll see how he is feeling tonight.

I think I'll go see a movie tomorrow. I haven't been to a movie in so long, and I have the day free. Maybe Little Miss Sunshine. I hear great things about it, and it would be a nice treat to myself.

yeah.

Oh, What a Turnaround

I came back from Bosnia feeling like the rat race was a joke, and why play it, and here it is a mere 6 days later, and I'm back in full force.

I had my improv show on Friday night, a sketch rehearsal on Saturday afternoon, and the tech rehearsal for the improv tonight, and then I will have a comedy competition game show with my acting studio on Tuesday night.

All so far have gone tremendous.

I was nervous about my improv show because I'm now in the big leagues, but I felt like I had a good character (which is 90% of what it takes) and I felt like I knew my character. Even though those are in place, you never know until it happens.

Several "intimidating" people are in the cast with me. The owner of the theatre, the woman who taught me improv, and the guy who is responsible for me ultimately even being with this troupe. All people I want to prove myself to over and over again. All people who I probably don't need to prove myself to, but still, you want to please those that matter.

Well, it went well. It went really well. We had a GREAT first show. I think all of us were a bit surprised by how well it went. And we were missing two of our strongest improvisers. So...

I felt good. I'm still the freshman of the troupe, but I held my own. I feel like I know my character, and so, that really, really helps.

Then, my sketch stuff is coming along really well. I haven't really been getting notes from the director, which is a good sign, because he would give them if he needed to. Also, a rumor made it back to me, through one of my fellow classmates, that he said he had already decided who the "four" that he would nominate to advance would be, and I was one of them. So, that's great.

Now, all we need is to do the good stuff that we are doing on the show night in one week, and have the owner see what we are working towards, and the first hoop is jumped through.

So, just as my jet lag is fading, my compulsion to run through the maze is heating up. Oh well, I don't mind. It is, after all, what I love to do.

Fits and Starts

I can't seem to recover my sleep patterns. Most any pattern, actually.

I slept 16 hours the first night home, but I think that was because I had been up for 25 hours and I also took a sleeping pill. Then last night and the night before I have only slept about 4 or 5 hours. I keep popping wide awake sometime in the five am hour.

Also, my eating habits are all wacky. I realized that on Wed I never ate anything. I had two tacos at about 4 in the afternoon on Tues and didn't eat again until breakfast Thursday. Then, I only had one meal after breakfast yesterday, and I had to force myself to eat that one, because I wasnt hungry, but I thought I had better eat something.

Trying to get back to sleep earlier, I just layed in bed and thought. I'm getting mentally prepared for tonight's show, which I think will be fun. Also, I'm gearing up again for the sketch run off. I have rehearsal for that tomorrow.

As I layed, my cat would snuggle with me. He has been so loving, a sign that he missed me. He never leaves my side, and sleeps with me all night long. With his warm body curled up on my arm, I sat listening to the peaceful sounds of morning. The occasional car going by, the birds chirping, the odd snore from the other bedroom. I felt tremendous love for my cat. I've had him ten years now, and recently his presence has been comforting. Also, I appreciate him more this summer, what with recent events.

It did get me to thinking about Kip. I remember how he would snore when he was asleep. He was a deeper sleeper than O. You could move about in the bed, and he wouldn't wake up. I would shift, and curl up so my head was right against his little pumping lungs, and just listen to him snore in that high pitched way of his.

I miss that.

Now, I sit here waiting for the day to begin, and getting hungry. Maybe my body will get back on track today. Who knows.

Lessons learned

So, I'm back.

Sorry to ignore this space, cuz I blogged on myspace so that everyone, namely my parents, could read it.

Slept a long time last night. Woke up in fits.

After the trip, I feel removed from the rat race. Which is bad. I need to get back into things. Part of me just wants to return to Sarajevo and be. Find some girl who I cant fully communicate with, and drink and live.

The thing with that though, you start to live, and then you start to get bored, so you find things that interest you, and you want to excel at them, and you try harder, and you fail, so you try even harder, and you take classes to not fail, and then you find that you have success, so you go further with it, and then you find yourself caught up in the rat race.

I don't mind the rat race, because it is the rat race to the finish line of things I love, but it does seem silly right now. In fact, all of life seems silly right now.

The problem is... I have a show on Friday, and an important rehearsal on Sat. that I just have to be in the right frame of mind for. These are the things I love and enjoy, and to do them right, I have to invest. When I wasn't doing anything here, I hated life. Now, I'm involved. It's better, but it is a rat race. So... trade off.

Tonight, I got recognized. I was at a club, which I dont go to because I hate them, but this was to support a friend's upcoming film, so I went. A girl I met and started talking to suddenly asked if I knew her. She said I looked familiar. I didn't know where she knew me from, and tried to guess, but no luck. After a bit she said she figured it out. She had seen one of my improv shows. She knew one of my castmates, and had come seen my show. She said she couldn't believe that that character was actually me. It felt great to be recognized, and to be thought of as impossible to be able to play that role. In a way, that is one of the reasons why I do it.

Still, lying awake at points last night, I was overcome with a sense of fear because a part of me just thought what am I doing? I felt alone in the world, and driving toward a goal that can't support me. Luckily, I was able to fall back to sleep, and when I fully woke up this afternoon, I didn't feel the dread anymore.

Yet, the girl who recognized me was obviously attracted to me, and I couldn't care less about her. I always thought that I was attracted to girls who liked me, and I felt that was cheap. That I was selling myself short by just going for the first person who seemed to give a damn. Well, tonight I disproved that theory. I could have easily had her. That both eased my mind and disturbed it. I was happy that I don't go just for anyone who likes me, but I was scared by the fact that I just don't seem to care about that right now. I can't think of anyone who I would even care to be with. Maybe that is not so important, but maybe it is also a bad sign.

We'll see.

Well, I'll be back here more often. Sorry for the break.

Bosnia

So, I leave tomorrow. I still need to get a few things, and pack, but I'm pretty much ready.

I have no idea what I'm in for. The cast is super excited, and they've done this before, so I am feeling their thrill.

Whenever I talk to people about the trip, they seem concerned about my safety. I haven't given a single thought to any danger. I don't know if I'm just being naive, as I sometimes am, or if the people are just being nervous nillies, as I find many people are when you want to do the unfamiliar.

I sat talking with a marine the other night in a bar, and I realized that the money I'm making to do this tour is not because of the show I'm doing. The show is a piece of cake. No, the money I'm making is because I will be with the troops all day long, and I have to essentially be "on" all day then. I have to be respectful, and sincere, and enjoyable. I'm paid to be their relief.

To do this, I think I'm going to bring a video camera. KK suggested I document the trip, and I love doing those man on the street things. He is letting me take the camera. The guy who plays the detective is also a great improviser, and a living cartoon, much like me. I already told him let's run around and film and be silly, and he loves the idea.

I'm really thinking of this as a vacation. To be sure, the night in Vienna at the start, and the night in Munich at the end will be purely vacation. I'm looking forward to eating. Something about eating food in another country, it seems so..... unique.

Talking to my director yesterday, she said she agreed to go to Korea in the future. How cool would that be! This could be great.

Then, when I get home, I have two days to prepare for the next improv show. I play a former shepard who has come to a creepy town to make a name for himself. We are setting it in the year 1891. It is a horror genre of improv. Yikes!

Then I have my sketch show. Talking to one of the other students in the show last night, he said the director told him that he could have made the whole show just from his, mine, and another girl's sketches. That is great to hear! Now if I nail the performance, I'll be in really good shape to get picked to join the company.

But that's for when I get back.......

Thoughts and mood

So, I just read over that four day calendar of events my last post was.

Crazy busy. The past couple of days have been slightly more relaxed.

I saw the girl in my acting class last night. I can't just sleep with her. It would be too awkward. She is a sweetheart girl, and she would expect more, I'm sure. I don't want to give her more than just that, so, no go. Too bad though. I'm kinda ready to pop.

The natural bug spray seems to be working. Well, sort of. I get one, maybe two bugs a night. This morning I'm going to get under my bed, and clean out the area, and spray down the walls at the intersection of the rug. I don't know what kind of bugs these are, or where they are coming from. Eight years living here, sleeping in that bedroom, and I've never seen anything like these.

Some times, I get that creepy tingling sensation like something is crawling on you. Even when I am out and about. Ooh, it makes me jump.

One of my writing partners called me last night. She said she was raving about me to a friend at work, telling the girl that I am the best actor in our class. This girl had seen our other lab show, and asked which one I was. Turns out she works for a pretty big casting director, and liked me, so she told my partner to get a link for my headshot and res, and to send it off to her so she can show her boss. Pretty cool.

I've had a couple of people tell me that I really shined this past round of writing and pitching. It feels good to hear that. It's so funny how when I started doing the improv, I thought there was NO way I would be able to do the writing. Then, as I saw friends go through it, I wondered. I thought, well if they can do it, why can't I? Now, nearly finished with this whole process, I can't believe I doubted myself.

There's a lesson there. I should highlight that part and post it somewhere.

This girl on myspace keeps writing me. She is one that I met in a bar, and hit on, only to have it turn out that she was sort of dating a friend of mine. I don't know how serious she and he are, but she certainly keeps writing me. She called me a genius. She has been reading my writing there, and she fancies herself a writer too, I think. She has some very poetic blogs.

All the compliments are really great to hear. Certainly now when I don't feel like I really need them. Doing the writing is keeping me confident. I keep coming up with ideas, too. I like them.

I leave in four days and I haven't really put together any ideas for what I will pack. I should figure that out. I should get off the damn computer, and clean my room, and look at my clothes, and prepare for Bosnia.

Over and out. Roger that.