A moment

So, I can't write in this blog at home.

Stupid me, thinking I was cleaning my computer, did a wipe of my history and cookies, and now, stupid blogger won't let me resign into my own blog.

Unless, I'm here at work. Then, I can do it.

Which is what I'm doing now, but this isn't the type of blog one would just pull up on his screen at work, unless everyone was in the other room doing something else. Which they are.

So, I know I missed my first of the month posting, but I had posted a couple around mid Feb, so I'm still on track for total posts. That said, it has been a month. And oh what a month.

First, I did not go to the show on that Sunday to see MR. I wasn't feeling my mojo that night, and without it I can not compete with twenty something hipsters for a twenty something rock chick. Even with my mojo, that is doubtful.

Then, the silent treatment ended with CM. We got together, and she laid on me the old "Define our relationship" line.

I told her I was looking for something casual. She said she wasn't. We had sex. Then, she asked me to define casual.

I spent an afternoon at work here typing up my definition, and it was great. Very honest, and considerate; explaining that I was exploring relationships right now.

She called it my slut phase, to which I said that it was more than that.

Well, we hung out a few more times, but she would always cry after we fucked, and that is uncomfortable, let me tell you.

She just couldn't help falling for me, and I wasn't reciprocating. I felt bad, because it started to feel like I was using her, which I wasn't, but still.

So, we broke up.

There is a girl at the theatre who I have been sort of flirty with, but she is also very flirty with many others. She was a dork in high school, and suddenly now, she is quite attractive, and around a theatre where a lot of guys are giving her attention.

That's great, but I don't want to compete that hard. Plus, two of the guys she is flirting with against me are two of my good friends. That just makes it awkward.

So, although it is fun to flirt, I am pulling away from that one.

I think. You never know. You can say you'll pull away, but then a pretty girl rubs up against you and there ain't no way to pull away.

Plus, I have to keep a sense of hope.

To that, I mean, a sense of hope that somewhere, someone will be the next great love.

I was hanging with a friend last night. She is in her mid forties, and is opinionated and brash. You know, a real fun girl.

Well, she was saying that she has given up on love. Sex, she can get. Love, she doesn't believe in anymore.

Tears welled up in her eyes as she said it, and I could understand, even sympathize, but I can't let myself ever get to that place, because that place is awful.

So, it might make for some pain, and some really funny stories, but I'm going to just keep putting my heart out there for the steppin.

Some day, maybe someone will pick it up off the floor, brush it off, and care for it.