Reframe

I have been having a good week.

My low point on Monday was rescued by the sound and tough advice of a couple of friends.

Tuesday put me in a busy day.

Assisting in the morning, where SS offered me a job running his office, teaching his classes(eventually), and basically being his personal assistant. We are going to see "how it goes" with me assisting his class. The only stickler is he seems to think this would eliminate my continuing to pursue acting. I think I can do both, and told him, so we will see.

Wednesday was writing, and therapy.

My therapist said that this phase is normal. She said it is my constant struggle. My low feelings from not being on stage, and thinking my director isn't thrilled with me all stem from my basic complex.

That is what I call my It's A Wonderful Life complex.

You see, my folks were teens when they got preggers with me, and then chose to get married, and always told us as a teaching lesson that that was a stupid move on their part. My child mind heard - you were an accident and we regret it. Don't make our mistake by making something like you.

So I have always strived to prove my worth to them. Being funny, especially with my family, was a concrete form of how to achieve that. What I need to realize is that just being, just living, is value enough.

Sort of like G. Bailey. He thought his life was nothing until he was no more, and then realized how much he meant. I remember thinking what a gift that would be when I was delivering newspapers. I would have been 13 years old.

I've had this complex for 25 years.

So, she reminded me that I am worthwhile. I don't need to please or entertain people to know that.

I'm trying to hold on to that reframe. I think it is working. We'll see.

Thursday was more writing and a break in the middle of the day to watch Annie Hall. God that movie seems to be my life. I don't mind. I love that movie, but does that mean I should be looking to young Asians for my future happiness?

Today I am performing for my buddy TR who I assist. He is teaching an acting class at Disney for animators, but they don't want to do any acting, so he asked me to come in and be the actor.

It is the second time he has asked me to perform for him. I think this is a great relationship, and I hope it develops even more. Finally getting to the point of who you know in Hollywood.

That's why I don't think I am quite ready to "give it up" as SS would like. He told me he was my age when he gave up writing for TV, and since then went into casting and then opened the studio and then became a TV acting coach and now wrote a book. He said that just because I would give it up, doesn't mean I would be giving up creativity. He also said, plus, it is nice to make money. You'll see. Money can be nice.

We'll see. Can I possibly have money and acting? Huh?