Commencement

So, the past few days I have been feeling empty. At a loss, so to speak.

Talking it over with my therapist, she said lots of things have come to a close for me.

My improv show ended.
My marathon training ended.
My pursuit of TO (in theory) ended.
Talking with NB the other day, she said she doubted we would be able to be friends. Too much of a divide between us as it is. So that feels like an ending, upon an ending.
Also, my sketch class ended.

Then, she said something to me that I am trying to hold on to. That is, at the END of the school year, they have commencement ceremonies. Everyone associates that with ending, but the true definition of the word commencement is to begin something.

It is a beginning, not an ending.

Sort of the one door closes, another opens theory.

So, I am focusing on that.

I just signed up for my next sketch class, which I thought would be a while before starting, but it actually starts in a week, and we are expected to come to the first class with sketches already written. That will go through the middle of October.

In order to make some room for the cost of that class, I cancelled my Vegas room reservation, since I'm not running anyway. Need the cash. Sent an email to my fellow runners to let them know I just took away there beds.

Five minutes later, TO called me. Told me not to worry about the room, of course I should cancel, and then just wanted to talk.

She has no problem bringing up her BF, so I think that she is just calling me lately because I am a good friend to her. We are very similiar, after all. It is what attracted me to her. I think it attracts her to me, but in a less than what I desire way.

Still, it is nice to talk to her. Nice. Not healthy, but nice.

She asked when is she going to see me. Said, she can't keep manufacturing meetings, they just seem to land me in the hospital.

I think she likes me a lot, but not to the point of overthrowing her BF. Still, who knows. I think I will approach my dealings with her as a friend only, and try to reframe my mind around that too. Then, I will be getting exactly what I want.

So, let's commence with the new mind. Starting now!

Ok, now!

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now.