All Around

My mind is everywhere right now.

Paranoia, and depression, and fear.

Of course, I smoked a bit tonight. It's a holiday weekend. Time to enjoy, right?

So, I did. Usually it has been a good time, and I must say for most of the night it was.

Then, it wasn't. Just like that.

Now, I sit here thinking about goodbyes, and support, and loyalty, and guilt.

Heavy stuff.

I don't know. Shit is pouring out. Blah, blah, blah.

This is going to be a fun one. Nice post here. Watch the emotion run about like spilled mercury.

I think to some of the people I know, and imagine their response to this. Some biting, some concerned, some finding some humor, some shaking their head.

Judgemental.
Sarcastic.
Defensive.

I am one day away from writing in this blog for a year, and this is one of the final posts!

Mess, and bite, and sloppyness. If I was willing to take the time, I would choose visual patterns with the words to help dance the page into a literal representation of my feelings.

Here is a purge, both of thoughts and the concern about my typing:

I dont' think I will change.
I don't theink I wonat to.
I want sometihing different.
I want better.
I feel funny.
My eyes are closed as I type.
I wrooy about the speilling.
I worry about tomorrow.
I just want to make peole laugh.
I just want to find love.
Give it and get it
I care about my freinds, but can't always to it.
I don't think I am dedicated enought.
I wonder if I could ahve.
Am I giving up to easy.
Wehn does it stop.
Does it ever



Ok.

That is enough. I feel the closing of my eyes starting to take over into a sleep.

This was random and experimental.

That is the best that could be said.