So awful

This evening did not go well.

The show ended, and everyone was in party mode. I left R to go get a glass of water and when I returned, the night had taken a horrible turn.

Her very sweet and extremely loved cat had passed.

I'm not sure yet how, but KK got home and called her with the news.

I cried when I took her home.

Not just because of my own loss and the ability to empathize with them, but also for the simple loss of a dear animal. One who I truly found special. So loving.

I don't feel I have anything adequate to say to them. I know too well what they are experiencing, but I also know that nothing helps.

Just time. Mostly.

A sense of nothingness is coming over me. I am pausing for very long times as I write this because it is painful.

A meaningless always accompanies death.

I hate it. I really hate it.

I sit here with my cat in my lap trying to love him more somehow tonight. It doesn't seem to be working. He is actually getting a little annoyed with my smothering.

I think I should end this. It is going nowhere that will do anyone any good.

Good night, Iggy. I loved you.