And it all came crashing down

She responded. She is not coming. She has to work that night, and is flattered.

I don't know if she responded before or after rehearsal.

It could have been either, but I bet it was after. The reason I don't know is, I went to a bar to have drinks. By myself. Needed them. Alcoholic, remember.

At rehearsal, I had decided to confess. Easier said than done.

You see, rehearsal works like this. We arrive around 7:15. The thing starts at 7:30. We get a ten minute break around 9, and then go until 10:30. After, we drink. Normally.

Tonight, things changed. First of all, the guys who I usually get to go drink were not there. One moved up to the other company, the other was unable to make it. My posse is gone.

Then, she didn't get to rehearsal until late. So, no talking time before. During rehearsal, she asked me to go for drinks. I was weak, and said yes. Then at break, she talked about her BF. I walked away. She gave me a brownie after break, as we were starting up again. I'm sure it was conciliatory. After the rehearsal, I tried to get others to go with us, but no one would. I waited around for her, she was talking to our director, and told her it would just be us two. She seemed at first to want to go drink, but I was reluctant. I was going to start the "my intentions are inappropriate" speech, but she then declined going for drinks, saying, it would be too much like a date, and she couldn't handle that at this point in our relationship. She then said that we both know I have the hots for her. I said, guilty.

Then we left. I said, see you later. She sighed.

I wanted to turn around, and say, fuck it. Let's go get a drink, and whatever may come, come. Why didn't I?

I totally want to write her now, but that is cheap. Anything I have to say to her should be in person.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Afterwards, I went to a bar and had three drinks. Now I sit here, alone, wishing I could talk to her. Or, really, just anyone.

She has a boyfriend. She has a boyfriend. She has a boyfriend.

After all this training in comedy, you think I would have better timing.