Rational vs. Rationalization

My mind is waging war with my heart.

I am starting the downward spiral from the heights of delusion. It seems to be a long fall, which only means I was soaring there for a bit.

My friend, the rational one, has weighed in again, and when seen through her eyes, I wonder what I was thinking. Not to say she is negative. She in fact is trying to help me succeed. She just has a confounded logic about her that infuriates the dreamers like me.

Tonight, I will see TO. We have rehearsal together, so it isn't like we will just be sitting around talking. We have 15 other people in a room with us, and there is an agenda. Only if she goes out for drinks would I be able to talk with her, as I did last week.

She hasn't responded to my evite, and I am starting to think (hah, starting to think!) that she won't.

My friend has advised me to either tell her to stop flirting, not mean, but in the I can't control myself way that TH told me to do. Or, tell her directly, but not creepy, how I feel, and let it be.

Both are tough. Not that I couldn't, but, man, laying your raw emotion out there like that is a kicker, not to mention doing it in front of someone whom your fairly certain will only be able to frown with understanding and walk away.

This is where my crazy side likes to poke his head in and give advice.

Hey, Tony, why don't you just not look at her all night. That will teach her! Head games are fun. That's why the word game is in there.

Better yet, why don't you make an elaborate scavenger hunt game, where she will drive around town looking for clues you have planted, until she finally finds your note declaring your love in a bird of paradise on the front lawn of someone in Beverly Hills.

Better still, you can draw! Make a mask of her BF's face and wear it during rehearsal. Then break up with her. While her eyes well with tears, and her vision is cloudy, rip off the mask and hold her as yourself. Tell her you'll never let that creepy guy bother her again. This may involve cutting her phone line and removing her doorbell. Worry about the internet later.

If while reading this post, it comes across as desperate and not funny, please feel free to add your own jokes.

Thank you.