A friend in need...

Tonight, I trained MM at my job.

He has been going through a rough spell financially, after getting laid off of work back in April. He just couldn't land another sales job.

It probably didn't help that he isn't really the corporate monkey, but does a wicked imitation. He is after all, just a free wheeling, self esteemless artist like the rest of us.

So, he wasn't getting work, and he knows not only me, but TH and PV at the restaurant as well. With all of us recommending him, he was assured a spot. He took it.

Gots to pays the bills.

As I said, tonight was night one. He was nervous. Hasn't done the job, as menial as it is, in over six years. I told him he would be fine, that once he got back on his feet, it would be easy again. He told me that I didn't realize how retarded he's become in the past few years. I told him I have realized how retarded he's become, I just still have faith in him.

I think that sunk in.

Then the strangest thing happened. He was loosening up, and doing well, and I think it made him stop and look more, because he asked me when I got my swagger. I wasn't sure what he was talking about, but he said I was swaggering around like the cock shit of the walk. I laughed, as I don't think I have EVER internalized anything near a thought like that, but it was nice to hear.

I wondered if my little fake fling wasn't maybe revealing itself in my very movements. That, or I have finally developed a sense of confidence in myself, ironically, in a situation I would love to get out of.

Speaking of my little tizzy for TO, I told MM about it and he said I was being ridiculous.

You see, not only has she not responded to my evite, but I found out from BM that she viewed the evite on Saturday. Which makes me think she is out there thinking she wants to come to the party, but doesn't know what to do about her BF.

When I postulated the problem to MM, he said he very often doesn't respond to evites right away, and he is well aware that they know he has viewed it. He also said maybe she has seen it, and is just ignoring it because she doesn't want to go to the party.

I think he saw my swagger sink, because he then said, maybe she is just waiting to see if her BF is going out with 'the boys', and then she'll pretend to 'go out' with 'the girls', but actually come to the party.

None of those scenarios made me feel secure in my delusion! How dare him deflate this precious little bubble I am floating in right now.

A friend indeed!