Becoming ill

Yesterday, I was fatigued. That is an understatement.

After four days of only five hours of sleep a night, I finally crashed.

It didn't hurt that I went to a brunch with some friends for a birthday celebration, and had four mimosas. At home by noon, and still having to work at night, I tried to sleep, but was so tired I couldn't do a tiny nap, and knew I would either sleep the sleep of the dead, or lay there restlessly. I layed there.

Its seemed my infatuation energy had run its course. I didn't have the jangled energy of one who wants to run to another. Literally, run.

I zombied my way through work, actually trying to tap into some of that energy to propel me. I continued to tell myself that this week she would break up with her boyfriend.

The scenario would go 1. She tells me she broke up with him, I feign sadness and ask why, she says she has discovered an unending interest for another, and wants to give that a try, I, nervous with anticipation ask who it is, and she smiles at me and says, I think you know. Commence love. Or, 2. She tells me she broke up with him, I tell her I'm sorry, but then say I must confess that I'm not, she asks why, and I tell her everything. Commence love.

Squirrelly, I know. I feel like a juniour high girl. If you see any TR + TO 's at the sides of this post, slap me.

I fell into slumber last night, and... dreamt of her all night!

I guess my infatuation is in full order. It just took a little nap. I rose this morning and came out to the computer to check something.

You see, an old mentor of mine is visiting this weekend. He was a college professor, and so he knows several of my gang from teaching them. Including my roomie, BM. So, we decided to have a party to welcome him, and give a chance for all to see him. Then, I decided to include some folks from improv, as they are fun, and funny. I then included her on the evite.

Now, I check it almost every hour to see if she has responded yet.

One of my dreams literally was me reading her response of the affirmative. Just that. Me reading at a computer some words she wrote. It got me worked up though. I came out here this morn actually thinking that maybe that was prophetic, and I would see her reply.

I'm sick with it. This is very nice, but ultimately I feel a dread that horror movies instill in you. You are enjoying the movie, but dreading the sure to come moment when the one you are identifying with gets slaughtered.

How long do I have until someone meat hooks my heart?