Why now?

Rehearsal tonight.

We had our evaluations as well. Mine turned out fine. Our director did pretty much what I expected. He asked what our strength and weakness was. I told him my strength was allowing a scene to progress like a dance. To allow the scene to go where the scene wants to go, rather than where I personally think it should go.

I told him my weakness was I didn't add enough fun to my performing. He totally agreed. He said it is great that I care so much, but I have to remember in the end this is just play.

So, it went as I expected.

What didn't go as I expected was my dealings with TO.

She is the pixie girl that I am totally crushing on. I am going to officially upgrade that tonight, to I am totally in love with.

That is a bad thing. She is in a relationship. They have been together since June. Not long, but long enough.

The killer is, she totally loves me. She said that twice tonight. She of course was talking about how fun and funny I am. She even tried to tell me not to get moved up to Zebra, which she thinks I will, because she wants me to stay in the company with her. She came out for drinks after with us, and we talked all night. We split a pizza and I bought her drinks. She patted my back twice while I was talking about something. Not that that necessarily means anything, but I want it to.

I am so in love with her. She is fun, and sexy, and fun, and shit.

Why does she have a boyfriend? Why would God do that to me now? What am I supposed to learn from all of this?

I want her so bad. I don't just mean that sexually. I want to spend all my time with her. I want to have private, revealing conversations with her. I want to just goof off with her. I want to just be with her. Then I want to lay down with her, and make her feel good.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!