DABDA

Elizabeth Kubler Ross defined the five stages of death. Turns out, they are the five stages of any grief, or strong loss.

DABDA. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.

I have entered anger.

I went to therapy today, and it had been awhile. About three weeks. Since before my haircut.

She liked my haircut, and told me to tell her about my motivations for it. I somehow got lost in the conversation, and mentioned how people said I seemed angrier, or bitter.

She jumped.

Talking more about it, I really got angry, and tears were flowing.

She said she was glad to see me going through this. Sounds funny, I know, but she said it was great healing. She said a lot of people, guys especially, can just repress all of the hurt from divorce, trying to move on, and never truly move on. She said my emotion told her I would some day be all right.

I guess I was in denial. Early on, it was the denial of excitement at a new chance on life. It was always tinged with sadness, but I felt opportunity right around the corner.

Then my denial started to morph without me realizing it. That is when my disconnect started to come in. I was literally denying my very existence. The disconnect kind of snapped with the haircut, and that must have been the beginning of stage two.

Anger.

We'll see how long this goes for.

She told me something disturbing, but also said she isn't sure she believes it. She prefaced it as it isn't a scientific timetable, but she heard that it usually takes half the length of a relationship to properly get over that relationship.

That would mean five and a half years. Yikes.

I wonder what bargaining will be like? Will it be me begging for sex, or me asking God to grant me a girlfriend and I will donate to public television? Maybe it will be me working out at a gym, thinking that if I do this... I will get that. The classic bargaining thought.

Geez. I just realized, according to the graph, I haven't yet entered depression. Boy, if this isn't depression, then I'm really screwed. Just think how jaunty those posts will be when I'm ACTUALLY depressed!

Also, I think I am scheduling acceptance for mid July. I really look more open, and therefore accepting, in light, breezy cottons. Plus, acceptance really goes better with sunshine. But not too hot. No accepting in late August or early September. Accepting is all about embracing, and people are just too sweaty to embrace at that time of year.

So, mark your calendars! This blog will really be good in July, 2011.