Go to it!

This is my horoscope for today.

You should be feeling especially romantic and sensual at this time, dear Libra, and you might find yourself drawing admiring glances from those around you - even strangers. Your level of passion is high, and so this is an excellent day to plan a romantic evening. You could also be feeling especially creative, and could well want to spend your day in some sort of artistic activity. Go to it!

I'm not actually feeling romantic. I'm feeling obsessed. I have a one track mind lately, and I can't get off the ride.

Yesterday, sitting with my brother over dinner, and drinks later, he talked about his new girlfriend quite a bit. They are very new, and it has been a long time since he has had a girlfriend, and I think he really likes this one. It was sweet to see him talk like that, but I must admit it put me into a box of my own thoughts about TO.

I started to tell him all about it. The funny thing about this situation, every guy who I tell who is any kind of player, or smooth with ladies, says I have this one in the bag. Yet, I don't feel that way.

They all also give me wildly different advice as to how to proceed. Some say come out and tell, some say ignore her, some say plant one on her, and some say wait it out.

My own feeling is I would like to tell her how I feel, but I don't think that would be wise. I don't know. I flip flop on the topic with every thought. I tell myself to be patient, and then the next thought is, no, tell her how you feel and take action.

Even today, I keep getting on the computer hoping she emails me. She has no reason to. I just want to hear from her, and talk to her.

Fuck. I can't quit it.

My buddy, TH, called and I was a terrible conversationalist. I didn't want to bring it up with him, because I feel like people are bored of hearing about it. But, it is all I can think about, so I had nothing else to say. I could hear in his voice him trying to figure out if I was bored of our talk, or angry, or something. I told him I was just off my game.

Yesterday, my sketch went all right. Not as many laughs as I would have liked, but it did get laughs. My notes were pretty much what I expected. BU did indeed do the scene, and she even sat next to me during class, and was totally cool. I'm glad that didn't become some awful thing. Now, it is going to be easier.

I think she still likes me. I can see her trying to be funny with me. I think she is sweet, and funny, but it just isn't there. She can't compare to TO in my book.

Then a thought hits me. Attraction, and chemistry, and all that is so fickle. I was attracted to her, and then, snap, I wasn't. It could flip back, who knows, but it could not.

Then I think if it is the same with TO in concerns to me.

This whole thing, love and attraction, is so tenuous and tricky. So fragile. I wish I had a better handle on it, but I also do enjoy the emotions when they over take me. Well, some of the emotions. Some still over take me, but they aren't a joy.

One track mind. One track mind. One track mind. One track mind.