Guards, Agents, Jokes, and the Dinner story

*I have a mouthguard now that I am supposed to wear at night.

To stop grinding. Apparently, if you didn't know, I'm stressed.

I guess it is working. My bite has never quite gotten back to the way that feels comfortable, and when I first wake in the morning, it is even worse. The dentist said that was normal for a nightguard to do.

Ok. So, I wear this super sexy adult retainer the rest of my life, and it fucks up my breakfast chew, all so that I will be 1/750th less stressed than I have been all my life?

Plus, when I put it in, I automatically clamp down on it. It covers all of my lower teeth, and as soon as it is in, I seem to bite down hard. Instinctively. Like a baby grabbing your finger if you caress his palm. (two of you will really get that one)


*I have a meeting with a commercial agent tomorrow. I really hate this. I hate meeting agents. It is so much a prove you can be cool ritual that I have failed since high school. Actually, I started failing it in Jr. High.

This guy sounds decent enough. Italian, so I got that going for me. Crazy, so I guess I won't be the only one. It's just that I am not really a commercial looking guy. I am not good looking enough to be the Hollywood handsome fuck me type, but I am good looking enough to not be the stock character actor.

(although, after watching myself on tape last night in acting class, I am slowly getting ugly enough to start having a great career. thats a good thing, right?)

*Got an evite to a fellow class members bowling birthday. Went on the site and one of the other guys said he would be there and asked if there would be pretty girls for "me and Tony to hit on".

I was taken aback. Not that I mind someone using my name for a joke, but I don't think that was a joke. So, I decided to turn it into one, and wrote, "I will have to be late, but will finally make it after K is done hitting women for me".

Ok, not a funny joke, but a joke.

Well, the guy who sent the evite got all rumpled and wrote in his response that no women will be hit "as Mr. Rago has suggested". I thought he was continuing the joke until last night in class when he pointed out my "typo". I told him it wasn't a typo, but a joke. He kind of smiled like he thought I should have gone with the typo story. The world is just not ready for my bland sarcasm.

*X has called me three times this week. All for random shit that she needs. I'm not sure it is a good thing. I think we need more space from each other. It still feels odd to me, especially given what I recently mulled over. I try to maintain a friendship, but I wonder if that is really healthy.

*I fear the future. I wonder if I really want to pursue this teaching at the studio. It is better than waiting tables, but I don't know if it is what I would really rather do. I do however need to get my shit together. I think about how attractive I look on paper to some woman, and I just don't see the bonus. Sure I'm funny and caring and crazy in the sack, but is that a fling or a life long prospect. It was cute at 26. It should be a subplot at 38.

*Had dinner with my aunt yesterday. She is divorced now three years, and is sixty one. She started internet dating, and loves it and is trying to get me to do it. Even has promised to pay my first three months for it.

Is that weird to anyone else?

She told me for her site picture, she duct taped her breasts up, and wore a blazer with no shirt.

I felt my inner eye boil as it conjured that image. My god.

Plus, why duct tape? I'm sure they have a thing called push up bras. Isn't that easier to apply and remove than duct tape? And after you pose like that as your ad, don't you want to repeat the performance for your first couple of dates? Wouldn't a bra be an easier option than the repeated ducting the girls up?

You see? I really am leaps and bounds above what the lord gave me as a starting base. You can't blame me for being an insecure man child at this age when you see the hand I was dealt.