Re-do

My brother is coming into town tonight. I am glad.

Last time he was here, back in early October, I was an asshole to him.

I was going through a very angry stage then. I was an asshole to my mom, to my friend, and to my brother.

They were people who loved me, and who I loved, and therefore felt safe with, and I lashed out at them.

With my friends here in town, I am needy. With my friends from out of town, I can lash out because they go away, and I don't have to suffer the consequences.

Now, I don't feel so angry.

I want to make it up to my brother.

Last time he was here, I made him pay me $200. I had to take a Saturday night off to hang with him, and I couldn't afford anything at that time. So, he paid me $200 to take the night off. Then, we argued a lot that weekend. At the end of the trip, as he was leaving, he paid me, and I said, nice doing business with you. If you had paid me first, maybe I would have been nicer.

What a prick.

So, he is coming into town.

He wants to take me out to dinner, because he can expense account it. Still, I am going to be sweet to him.

For as different as we are, I do love him. I see how much he looks up to me, and sometimes that shames me. I don't really look up to him.

Still, I think he is doing well for himself. I'm proud of who he is becoming. And I love him.