Take It Easy

Trying to be nice to myself today.

I wasn't very nice yesterday. Got a little hard on my abilities.

I told you I have been having a hard time in acting class. That continued. Just seemed like I couldn't quite do anything right.

Also, TO is starting to pull away again. Normal. We go through this. She is probably feeling guilty, or her naughty fantasy fling is wearing off, either way, she is doing the whole distance thing to me again. I guess it is what you should expect when your girlfriend has a boyfriend who isn't you.

Plus, SS asked me how the agent meeting went, and when I told him that the guy he had set me up with didn't see me, but had me meet with his partner, SS got upset. He felt personally insulted, and called the agency to see what they thought of me.

They never called him back. Last night, he said they were avoiding him. Not a good sign.

I got out of class and went to go get some dinner. I really wanted to talk to someone. As I was waiting for the meal to be made, I had a beer.

Then, I called R. It is the second time in as many days that I have called her. She is always great to talk to. Both funny, and reasonable with her advice. She clears your head, and picks you up.

I skimmed over the reason I called her. I had something I had to tell her, so I just talked about that, but really, I just wanted to talk to someone. When I got off the phone with her, I still had half a beer, and I just stood outside the restaurant wishing I had someone else.

I hate being alone.

Well, I got home and popped in a movie so that I would shake the bad thoughts.

Then, today, SS called me.

He said he finally got ahold of the agent. The guy admitted to not meeting with me, but said his partner liked me, and he had intended to bring me back in to meet with him. SS praised me to him, and the guy was going to sign me right there, but SS said no. He told him to meet with me so that I could get in solely on my own merit and not because SS told someone to sign me.

That made me feel good. Not only because SS would go to bat for me like that, but also that he has enough confidence in me to tell them to see me first before actually signing me.

He and I talked a bit more, and he said he has been hard on me the past few weeks in class because he thinks I am extremely talented and he wants me to be the best I can be. He said he also thinks being hard on me will make me a better teacher, and he reiterated that he wants me to be a teacher at the studio. He said he wants to get me out of the restaurant and have me make my living as actor and teacher.

I told him that is exactly my plan too. He was excited to hear it.

We had negotiated, and I am going to start TAing for him on Thursday nights, as well as Tuesdays, and he cut my tuition for class in half. Eventually, I won't pay for class (his words) and then ultimately I will be a paid instructor.

I told him it was tough, him being hard on me, but I also told him to go right on being hard. I don't need someone holding my hand and doing me no good.

I have TO for that!