Will the conceited prick rise, please?

OK. Little lessons, all day long.

First. Acting class.

Doing well in it. Got asked to advance. Been trying to keep up the good work so that no reconsiderations happen. Was on track. WAS.

Today, we had to do an audition. Then five minutes of what the teacher thinks of your progress. The audition was supposed to be the easy part. They gave us a choice of scenes we have done before.

Rather than do the scene he told me I nailed a few weeks ago, I chose a scene I struggled a bit with, and thought I was "getting" by the end. My reasons are sound. I thought I could come in and show him that I can take direction and learn and retain, and look how I proved it with this scene I have now done new and improved.

Unfortunately, that was only my reason, and not my result.

I stunck it up. After the audtion, he told me that was the worst thing he has seen me do. Ouch. He said he was surprised, because he thought as I entered the room that I would knock out a homerun, and then he would tell me I am his favorite, and that would be all. He said that now, I gave him something to talk about.

Normally, I would focus on the "stunck" and "worst" parts of his speech, but since reading that book, I am focusing on the "favorite" and "homerun" parts. He did say that I am in the advance class, and that I should just focus on the part of the neurotic. He said he was wrong the other day when he said I nailed it. He told me today, I haven't yet nailed it. I'm close, but not yet. He then followed with, but when you do nail it, you will nail it better than anyone I have known.

BETTER THAN ANYONE HE HAS KNOWN.

I think I will sit with that for a bit.

So, a little lesson there, which ultimately proved good.

Then, tonight, I went to support X on one of her big shows for the semester. She has two, and next weeks is bigger, but this was going to be the fun one.

I thought I should go to both, but was dreading it a little. I had been thinking that maybe she was wanting to try and get back together. I was thinking that because she has been nice to me when we talk, and asks me how I am doing, and smiles, and has told me she struggles with being alone.

Well, I went with a friend, and when we got there, she ran over to us, and got us a drink. The cups were part of the show, and they had velcro on them, and you had to stick your cup to another person's cup, and drink together. She wanted to demonstrate with me and my cup. I must have made a face, because she asked if that was too awkward for me. I said no, and we drank, and it was physically awkward to do it. She ended up drinking hers, and I didn't get any of mine. She noticed that, and said that it was ironic that even in just drinking, she didn't prove to be cooperative. We had an awkward laugh, and that kicked off the night of making slight jokes about the state of our marriage.

At the end, we had a little talk, and I found out that the reason she has been doing those things is she is worried about me. She thinks I am not adjusting well to this. I was flabbergasted.

Here I thought she couldn't get over me, and it just turns out she thinks she is doing the getting over better.

I felt like such a bastard.

I was actually relieved that she didn't feel that way, because I don't want to get back together, but it would be difficult if she did.

Then, I felt hurt that she didn't feel that way. What do you mean, you don't carry a torch!? How dare you!

Do you know who I am!?!

So, another lesson. I left the party, and we made plans to have breakfast on Sunday, and catch up on how each of us are doing. That might be good.

Now, do I have any wisdom to impart after living through all of that?

Yes.

Just when you think you have everything figured out, you don't.

That might be a tough lesson to learn, but the great thing about it is, it takes all the pressure off of you to try and figure everything out, because as soon as you do, it changes. So, just try to figure out how to get through the now, and then do the same for the next now, and leave the rest up to the whatever.

So sayeth the 40 year old waiter!