thepainthatbringsustogether

Listening to Pete Yorn's musicforthemorningafter right now. It is easier to be alone with noise of some sort, than not.

The song Just Another is playing, and it made me think of something.

Lately, I have been wondering if I am doing the right thing. Part and parcel for the trial, I guess, but I must say, I really felt like I had picked the right woman. I would just like to make her better. That is impossible, so I am letting her go, granted at a time when she is letting me go, in the hope that I will meet a better right woman.

However, a friend asked if I had ever known a relationship that had all the qualities that I am looking for. All of them, all at once. I must say, that I don't know that relationship. Their are a couple of them, that come very close, closer than mine was, so I have some hope, but nothing is what I think I want.

Not good.

That is what makes me doubt my gamble. Maybe I am close to that ideal, and I just need to try harder.

Part of what brings people together besides attraction, is commonality. When you say he/she "gets" me, you are saying they think I am pretty to look at, feel good to touch, fun to hang out with, seem to want the same future, and understand my pain.

When some people tell me that my wife and I are doing the right thing, that there were problems that they could see, what they don't know, I think, is how well we understood each other's pain. Maybe that is what, in a way, is bringing us apart.

I don't know, as I read over this, if a conclusion is coming. Don't hold your breath.

Relationships are like snowflakes. No two are alike, and they are so fragile and delicate, and can be blown apart at any moment. They also are very intricate in their beauty.

Maybe I will one day look back on this, in a happier place, and think that all that I am saying is correct, but still, things had to go the way they did. I hope I am learning a great deal, that is yet to be understood, but that is sinking in deep.

I hope I can be happy. I hope we all could.