That's why you always have to check them

So, I look at my horoscope today, a day in which I am feeling somewhat peppy despite the very limited sleep(or maybe because of), and what should my chart have to say but this:

You've been lucky for the last two months, dear Libra, no doubt about it. But lately it seems as though your luck is changing. It's hard to pinpoint, but something is not quite right in your daily life. At the moment, the planets are imparting some lessons that can be difficult to bear. Try to get through this transition time with as little pain as possible. Ultimately, the lessons learned will prove worthwhile.


IT'S HARD TO PINPOINT?!?!

Ooooh, the planets now have decided to impart some lessons! Thanks the fuck alot planets. I don't have enough shit in my life going on, but you celestial orbs think, hmm, that wee one down there needs some growth. He finally had a lucky TWO months, let's give him the royal galaxy screw. (note: I hear the planets thinking with a cockney accent, so if you could go back and read it that way, we will be on the same page.)

At least I got the "prove worthwhile" bullshit at the end. Who's going to decide that though? The Sun? Maybe that comet that breezed by here a couple of days ago, that we so rudely welcomed by slamming a giant camera into. Great! If he's pissed at us, then he won't mind my suffering a bit more just to spite all of the humans.

All I ever asked for was to be simply happy. You know, hot wife who loves sex, fabulous artistic career that affords me travel and fame and the opportunity to tell late night hosts lines like "Oh, I hardly consider it work, but I love doing it and just feel so lucky to be able to". That and a sweet home entertainment system and I'm good. Really.

Do you hear that Mars? Jupiter, are you listening, you fat gas ball?! Hey! Uranus!