Who I want to be

OK, so in telling some people about this, they all were concerned about the self deprecating sense of humor, and how it might affect my outlook. Apparently, in the movie "What the bleep do we know", water molecules respond to negative and positive announcments in different ways. Since we humans are mostly made up of water, the thought goes that if I was to continue to call myself a failure and deride myself, then my body would respond to that.

Well, who wants that!

I do think that treating all of this in a humorous way is the only way to go, and my humor is generally the kind that finds my role in life ridiculous. I like being ridiculous. I like to make people laugh. Even if they are laughing at me, and not with me. In fact, I believe my greatest tools in my arsenal of romance weapons are my chin and my humor. For those who don't know, I have a very deep cleft in my chin, and women always want to touch it. Some times the attraction ends there, but hell that is one great starting point.

As for my humor, well, I really don't think anybody likes me, male or female, until I can make them laugh. Pitiful, maybe. Whatever.

Also, in thinking about my situation, I had come to the conclusion that I was focusing on the wrong goals. Rather than trying to find out who I wanted to be with- my wife if we could fix the shit, or the vast hypothetical whoever out there in LaLaland- I realized that I should be trying to find out who I wanted to be. Period. I need to be an individual first, then the couple will come.

However, last night having dinner with my aunt, she pointed out that how do we know who we are until we test that on others. That being that, the way you respond in your relationships, whether romantic or not, is the best guide to the type of person you are.

In other words, if an asshole was stranded on an island and never saw another human being, would he still be an asshole?

In truth, I like who I am with people. I am really nice and generous. Funny. Maybe a bit too dependant on their opinion of me, or just their existence, but still. That's what you call a people person. And people who need people are the luckiest people in the world.

Holy crap.