Why, man, why??

So, the question that lingers is what the hell happened to my marriage?

Hey. If I had the answer, you think I would be writing about failing? I really thought I had the perfect relationship. It's only problem was that she wasn't all that in to me. That sounds ridiculous, but in my co-dependant addled brain, I thought things were good.

Sure, I was starved for intimacy and warmth and tenderness and companionship, but I figured if my parents could get along with out those, then I could too.

The turning point came when she started grad school and found a life of her own. Smoke and mirrors can be very useful tools, but they are a bitch to set up, and transportation is problematic. I was unable to infuse the grad experience with the necessary numbness inducing atmosphere that my existence required, and subsequently a cool breeze of understanding blew my love apart. Goddamn higher education!

For my part, when faced with the turning point question of what has happened to us, I reacted with a sense of speed I am not normally known for. I instantly said that I thought the relationship had run its course. Three weeks later, I look back on that and wonder who actually answered like that. It couldn't have been me. I am afraid of being alone. Terrified really. To avoid it, the past few weeks I have indulged in enough sleep to prepare me if I ever decide to stay up continuously for a year straight.

So, now I look to the future.

In a town where the women are more than beautiful, I am decidedly not. Many people compare my looks to Kramer from Seinfeld. Sure, he was popular and funny, but not a girls wet dream. In a town that places personal wealth above all else, I am swirling in financial ruin. In a town where BMW's and Benz's are the lower class choice of flash, I drive a Geo Metro. Hatchback! In a town where youth is royalty, I am pushing forty. Not that forty is so awful old, but this is LA, and understanding doesn't come with the meth and porn that is handed out so freely.

Good times!