Deni said don't blog drunk

What a day.

Was so tired all day yesterday, that I pounded coffee all day to get up for my show in the evening. Then after the show, I was so wound up and nervous that my friends didn't like it, that I pounded martinis until 3AM. Boy the name of this blog really makes sense.

Any way, got up today with a massive hangover. Very slow brain functions, and what should I be hit with, but my wife. She came by and we had lunch. Which was so fucking weird. The whole time I was with her,we talked like intimates, but I felt like we were just friends. I didn't feel anything more than just a need to tell someone I know something about myself. This is the woman I commited my life to, and now it is just whatever. That's sad right? I don't feel sad, but my brain says that is sad.

Anyway.

The conversation got a bit serious, and I don't know if we were not revealing our true emotions, or totally laying it all on the line, but we both said that we still feel like this is the end, and so we decided that she should start to look for her own apartment. I remember thinking during the conversation, "stop this". I don't know why. Like I said, we felt only like friends, but it wasn't right.

So, with that under my belt, I went to a friend's birthday party. There were a bunch of gorgeous women there and my little mind was all perked up. The sad part was every time a girl would pass by me, I would be unable to make eye contact. Not unable to come up with a clever line, unable to make EYE CONTACT.

That is where this all gets fucked up. My wife of ten years feels like a friend, who I don't mind letting go of, but some one I have never met before, who comes up and says to me, don't I know you, and I not only can't think of a single line to say, I can't even look her in the eye.

If the whole human race were like me, we would have died out WAY long ago.

So, my brilliant solution to the problem was to drink, drink, drink. Then I came home here, alone to an empty home, and started to type. In the morning I will regret writing this, but right now it makes me feel.