People can be such people

Great class yesterday. I managed not to kill the interest that the teacher had in me from the day long intensive.

Started out with everyone gathering, and they all have been together for about 6 months, and are very familiar with each other, and then, wham, I dropped in. Actually, me and another girl from the intensive. It had been a month since that day, and I asked how she had been. She said in the past month, she got married, went to Italy on her honeymoon, and bought a house. Wow. Busy.

Then, she turns to me and says, what have you been up to? I almost laughed. I thought, well she asked. Why not throw it at her. So sweet, and in the very first blush of assumed matrimonial foreverness. Crush her. I did hesitate, thinking don't start out class with negatives, but she just kept staring at me, mentally asking me to respond. Two other girls seemed to stop and listen too. So, I thought what the hell. I'm here in class to be an honest actor. Boom. I told them.

This is where it gets even funnier. People's reaction to bad news is so odd. They weren't expecting bad news, so they are thrown, and feel ill equiped to answer. This girl just mumbled something about the planets (there are those planets again, maybe she is working with them), and then told me not to sign anything on the 22nd or a few days after that, cause Venus is going to be in retrograde, or something. I asked her if not signing things during that time is in order to receive good luck, or to avoid bad luck. She said yes, and I dropped the conversation.

Anyway, class. The teacher is an ageing queen, who is starved for attention as the funniest, and who doesn't want to waste a single SECOND! He came in at noon, and saw that not everyone was there, so he went outside to yell at the people walking to class to hurry the fuck up. Ok, now be funny!

The thing is, I love him. He makes me scared and if I can do well while I'm scared of him, then maybe I can learn how to do well in auditions when I'm scared of them. I told the teacher that, and he seemed a bit put off that I called him scary, but later when another girl in class was having a mental breakdown, and he was yelling at her, he finally said do your scene now, you have to learn how to still act while upset and scared, because that is what auditions will do to you. He stopped and said, somebody was just saying that to me. Then he looked at me and said, it was you. Actually even pointed his finger in a jabbing motion. I think he respects me. Maybe.

My acting was ok. My first little scene, I got up and my heart was throbbing in my chest, I thought my shirt was lifting and falling. I shoved my hands into my pockets so that they wouldn't move and fly around the room. I did my scene. He stopped me and said, you are always so confident(hah!), even when I try to tear you down, you always stand there so confident with your shoulders square. Great. Probably the only time in my life I did that, but at least I got credit for it.

My second scene required more of me, but I thought I knew it, and would knock it out of the ballpark. I did, sort of. I played it too wild, but I was clear on all my intentions, and character, and he saw that, and just kept telling me to do less. He was pleased with the scene, but when I watched the tape, I suddenly knew why I am not getting any work. I was all over the place. I haven't figured out how to be me, which is loose and wild and crazy, on camera, which makes every little blink and twitch of the nostril this giant expression. I think, I hope this class will help me with that. He asked me if I was ready to change my life. I said yes. He then looked at me square and hard and asked if I was ready to change my life. I said yes. He said good, because you are too good, and I see too many really good actors doing nothing with their lives. I said I was ready.

Just don't make me sign anything on the 22nd!