I guess it is working.

Yesterday, I posed the question to my therapist, is this working?

She asked me what I thought. I said, I felt that it had given me awareness, but I don't know if I have changed anything in that regard.

I also said that without therapy, I probably wouldn't have been able to leave NB. I said that didn't sound like a positive thing, but in fact it was, and shall soon be seeing the results of how that can be positive.

She agreed. She said she felt like it also has helped in other ways. She told me of the panic attacks, and how I don't have them anymore. She told me about how I used to be afraid to stand up for myself when dealing with authority, and how I now seem to do that.

She said also that therapy doesn't work for you, but with you. She said that after reading the blogs I gave her, it seemed like I have forgotten the other part to therapy. The first part is awareness, the second part is called challenge thought, and alternative thought.

Being aware of a problem basically means that when you have an automatic thought, one of fear say, that springs up in a situation, you recognize it. That isn't enough. You then have to challenge that thought, and if it is a fear thought, come up with an alternative.

Basically, that is relabeling things. Change your outlook. She said I used to do that pretty well, but from what she has read, and what I have told her, it seems I have forgotten.

So, we are meeting every week, and all throughout she reminds me of what thoughts need to be challenged and what thoughts need to be retained.

For example, I was talking about my sketch class, and saying how I wasn't feeling funny during a writing session. I told her that some of the people in class are superior gag men. I then changed the subject and was talking about a piece I wrote by myself. It is weak, but it needs some story help. I told her I didn't know who in class I could go to, because after getting to know these people I think I am the best story person.

She made me repeat that. I am the best story person in my class. She asked me if I could hold on to that. I said I might be able to. She said that that was validation that I gave myself and I didn't need it from the outside world. I gave it to me, and I believed it.

Progress? Maybe.