Even I couldn't believe I got away with it.

I know this is my third post in one day, but I forgot about this funny story that I want to put in here.

I was waiting on an elderly couple. I have waited on them before, and he is a bit of a cock.

Right off he asks if I am an actor.

I said, oh, could you tell from my incredible good looks.

He said, NO.

He asks again, are you an actor.

I say, yes.

He says, well at least you know what business you are out of.

He then tells me, like it makes that comment ok, that he was a comedy writer.

So, not to be outdone, I say, well, you must have been very successful because that joke was hilarious.

Barb meets barb. Sparing commence.

At the end of the meal, he says, bring the check anytime.

I say, anytime... because I might take awhile.

He says, bring it before your career is over.

I say, oh sir, in that case, you should have paid it a long time ago.

I bring the check, and he says, do you take any credit card.

I say, only ones that work, so we might have some trouble here.

He says, how bout I give you my library card.

I say, sure, I bet it's never been used.

He says, that was a good one. Do you want some constructive criticism.

I say, yeah.

He says, go fuck yourself.

I say, sir I thought you said it would be constructive.

We both laugh.

He tips me 20%

Can you believe it. I got a guest to tell me to fuck myself and still tip me big.

I'm that good!