Oh the frank honesty

Had a great time at the party last night. Got pretty f upped.

Had several people feel like they could be truly serious with me.

One person took me aside to tell me he didn't feel like we were friends anymore.

I was shocked. He said he thought I never asked him how he was doing, or never invited him to do things with me.

We talked it out. I told him I truly didn't feel that way, and I think we got to a good place.

Then another person told me that sometimes it is always "about me".

Start to recognize a theme.

He had asked me a while back to tell him his strengths and weaknesses for a project about how you view yourself as compared to how others view you. I was honest with him.

Then, last night, he felt like returning the compliment. The always about me was my weakness. I don't remember what he said was my strength.

Also had another friend tell me that it is time to give up on TO. Everyone always tells me this. Which of course makes me both sad and mad as hell.

It makes me sad because I just feel like I have made every wrong move imaginable. All I am doing is feeling and being. I'm fucking sorry if it is too much.

Also it makes me sad because I just feel like a thing that was possible is probably lost due to me just wanting it. That hurts. Knowing that you are probably your own worst enemy.

The mad part comes in because I just hate having everyone disagree with me. If my instincts are that wrong...

I don't know. I guess I'm not mad as much as hurt and embarrassed.

Still, it was a fun party.

One guy who I really just sort of met last night is a student at the theatre. I have been introduced to him several times, but we really just got a chance to talk last night.

A real nice guy.

He was very complimentary of me and my improv characters. That was great to hear. We talked a lot about acting and improv. He is just getting into improv after years of real estate. Feels like he doesn't have an acting back ground. I have just that.

Still, I told him of people who I respect who don't have that background, and told him it all just comes down to having fun.

I'm just trying to have fun.

All about me, huh?