The one where the boy does something rash.

Rehearsal tonight.

My first chance to see TO since the fatal sigh. All day I have been preparing to see her. I was ready to read every sign, and send every signal. I rehearsed potential lines to potential scenario's. I was, in short, a pathetic boy.

Rehearsal came, and went, and no TO. I don't know why. My demons told me that she doesn't want to come anymore, because I make her feel uncomfortable, and gross. Then, I stopped listening to them.

Still, demon's influence or not, I didn't get to see her. It has been two weeks, and that is a long time for obsessions. I sure could have used a bit of her tonight.

Left empty, and hung out with a few folks at the bar, but it wasn't the same as the electric moments I have with TO. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but pure denial makes it grow crazy.

So, I came home, and actually checked my email to see if maybe she wrote me.

Why? Why would she write? I don't know, but there was a part of me that thought she just might.

So, I was there at email, with no word from her, and, well, what do you expect from me? I'm weak.

I wrote her.

Yep. Probably not smart, or patient. Not the actions of a guy who is trying to respect the situation she is in. Not the actions of a guy who said he wouldn't steal a girl. Nope. Dirty.

Or, I played my hand too aggressively. Either way, it is done. It went "out there".

I was witty, to be sure. Now I'll have to check and obsess over my email all day tomorrow.I have already determined what would constitute a good sign, and what would be bad.

Misery, misery, misery.

Give me more!