This isn't my problem

Some friends invited me to dinner.

They are a couple whom I met through my wife. The two ladies took a class together, and they were new to the area, so we hung out. The guy is great, but he is a bit shy and has had a tough time making friends, so our wives really tried to get us together quite often, because he liked me.

So, they were trying to reach out to me, to show that they can be both our friends now. They didn't invite her. She found out, and came.

I have no problem seeing her or bumping into her, and I think the same goes for her. At least, she tells me she has no problem with it. So, her being at the dinner wouldn't bother me.

Others can't quite get their heads around that. Divorced people, as a rule, generally don't get along, so I can understand their reasoning. Plus, my wife and I have decided in order to try and create a friendship, we have to remove ourselves from our love, and become new independent people. So, we are going to try and take this upcoming year, and not actively seek out each other's company.

You can see why it is tough trying to maintain a friendship with both.

So, she came to the dinner, and they called me to tell me she would be there, and I called them and said, it is fine, and they said come on by, and they told her I was coming.

I guess telling her didn't go so well. I think she overreacted. I'm sure the matter was handled far more delicately than either of us would ever want to be a part of, but nevertheless, she probably got pissed, then hurt, then sad. I'm told, she left.

When I was told that, my first thought was sadness for her. I wanted to call her and make sure she is ok.

She has always had trouble making friends. She has always desperately wanted that to be easy, but it isn't. It is for me. She always wished she could have it as easy as I do. She would always say she thought that most of our friends were only our friends because of me. She didn't think anyone really liked her. I always told her that was not true.

Lately, I've come to believe her. Most people never contacted her after we split. People invite me to things, and not her. Some people still don't talk to her. Some of them were even her friend before becoming mine. I just know that this is tearing her up. It kills me.

There is nothing I can do.

The best thing for her would be to either realize this, feel the pain, then move on to people who will actually be her friends. That, or reconcile for herself these relationships, so that they become her friends too.

I wonder sometimes, what we think we are going to do when this year is up, and we have been successfull in creating independent lives, and being ok with each other, and then we start to hang with the GROUP, and they can't let the past go. I don't imagine it going well.

I'm pretty sure I can navigate it, but that is easy coming from the one who people seem to like.

I so badly want to fix this for her, but even if we were still together, I couldn't. It just isn't my problem anymore. That sounds cold, but it is reality.