Faster Than a Cannonball

Listening to Oasis. Champagne Supernova.

Whenever my wife would hear this song when it was on the radio, she told me she would think of me and my good friend. We two were high quite a bit, and then when I met my wife, I quit.

So, in the song when he says, Where were you when we were getting high, she would think of me asking that.

Which is funny, because while I was getting high, before I met her, I used to wander around Chicago, and wonder where my "wife" was at that moment. That is, I used to wonder where a person I hadn't yet met was. I wondered if I already knew her and didn't know it yet. As it turned out, while I was thinking that, she was in Kansas City. We met a month after she moved to Chicago.

Today, she asked if she could come to my show. I told her no. Then a tremendous wave of sadness came over me. She never asked to come while we were together. Why not? I sure wish she would have. Now, it's too late and too awkward. After telling her no, I changed my mind and said yes, but not for awhile.

When she left, she said she was afraid I was becoming bitter. Some comments I made, and my assumed rage led her to think this. I started to cry when she said that. I don't want to be bitter. Not about love, and not about acting. Sometimes, I fear that it is all too easy and possible. I think that is why her saying that affected me so.

She said that it was ok for me to be angry at her if I needed. I think there is some good to that sentence, but I just can't find my way there. I think also, that once I do find that spot, I will notice an extreme amount of anger at myself living there as well.

Who wants to visit that?

Went for an hour and a half walk today to try and transition from sad, angry to excited, happy for the show. Thank God for that iPod. It is heaven to walk to. The Postal Service, Sugar, Tom Waits, and The Handsome Family all kept me company. When Gorillaz showed up, that got things going.

I keep surfing for something awe inspiring to read. Whether the net or on blogs, I want something to hit me emotionally. I hope that maybe this does it for anyone hopping about and landing on mine. Most blogs are religious folks thanking God for this and that. Or it's kids writing about how this sucks or that person is so hated. Sometimes you get the crazy non linear ones that are fun to read, but they don't give you any sense of connect.

I think I'm searching for that because I hate to be alone. This place is just so empty, and the cat is not a good conversationalist. I find myself pacing a lot in the apartment, I think because I am looking for someone. Again, music sure helps keep you company. That is, until a great song comes on, and emotion bursts out of you, and you jump up, and want to just share. Before I would drag her out of her studio and make her dance with me. I miss that.

Found a site that predicts how your love life will survive by using numerology. You type in your full names and it does the addition and prediction. My wife and I had a 95% chance of working out. My parents, who are going on their 38th year of marriage, only had a 39% chance. So much for that site.

Would really love to hold someone right now.

Touch, connection, sharing thoughts and feelings, caressing and seducing.

These are a few of my favorite things.