Answer: Ungrateful

Question: What do you call it when you get what you want, but still are able to bitch about it?

Had the read through last night. It went well.

The other new people in the cast are all a little "look at me". That bugs me. Then I can't be "look at me". I hate pissing parties.

So, the others kind of bug me. So what!

Plus, the show is really corny. Corny bugs me. I'm corny. I hate that I'm corny. No, I don't. I just wish everyone else didn't hate it when I'm corny.

So, I'm corny. So what!

The pay isn't really that much. That bugs me. I really need more money, not the opportunity to make less. I hate that I can't make my living from this.

So, I can't make my living from just this one acting job. So what!

The schedule is really light. There are only two gigs in September. I get to be in one. It is a Saturday night. I will give up making about $150 to make $100 before taxes. Then, who knows when we go again. That bugs me. I can't afford this life style, and I really wish I could. I hate that I can't make my living from this.

So, I can't make my living from just this one acting job. So what!

Who knows what the future holds? This whole experiment of going for what you want, even if it is not logical, is starting to get out of control. It had better hit that huge return portion of the fun, or I am really going down hard.

I still believe it will. I truly think that in doing this show, either I will get more opportunities from the people I meet during the show, or the satisfaction of it all will be an outer sheen, visible to others, that makes people want me for other things.

Question: What is it going to take to get me to the point of return?

Answer: Hope.

Desperate, scrabbling, insane hope.