D*I*V*O*R*C*E

So, I spoke with my wife, and both of us have concluded that it is done. I tried to be as frank and open about my feelings as I could be. I even told her that I wanted her back, even though I told myself I wouldn't say that, because I don't know if that is true or not, but she had the sanity and insight to tell me I didn't really want her back.

It's so great when your partner knows you so well, they know you don't want them.

Anyway, this all came after we had a little sit down for her to yell at me about my psychotropic meltdown. Gee, I wonder what incident gave her such resolve to leave me?

So, there it is. The great experiment has done nothing except to prove that the disease had, in fact, invaded the body and there was no cure.

I was talking with a co-worker last night about it. She kind of understands, because she too is divorced. I asked her how long she had been divorced, and she said, six years. I asked if she wanted to get married again. She said, yes. She told me that she enjoyed being married. Not necessarily to the man she was married to, but the whole idea of marriage. Not the romantic, lost in the all-about-the-wedding kind either. The actual day to day of it. I told her I felt the same way.

Which was odd. I didn't think, before I was married, that I would feel that way. I thought that marriage was just paper, and that it didn't affect the relationship, but I was wrong. It does. And it is beautiful. That is part of what hurts in losing your marriage, all the new found feelings of security and longevity that marriage spins into your love.

She, my co-worker, said that she has had opportunities to get really involved with men, but that they have flaws that make her realize she would just be making a bad choice once again. That was scary. If I am letting this great girl go, because I feel I deserve a higher level of intimacy, then I damn well better only accept that in the future, and not compromise.

Six years. And she isn't even close to being married again.

I'm going to be like the men in Sex and the City. All the twenty year olds were party obsessed, immature boys (me), all the thirty year olds were taken (me), all the forty year olds were looking for a new relationship, but putting all of their own complicated rules on to them (me).

Does this mean I could land Sarah Jessica Parker? A little crazy for my taste (who am I kidding, I love crazy), but she sure is hot.