forcing myself

I quit the restaurant job. I don't know if I'm going in the right direction in life, but it felt good to quit.

I have the name of several psychiatrists on my kitchen table. I need to call them. Why am I reluctant? It will only help. That's what she says.

I was called bitter today by a young lady. I think she is correct. I am SO angry at women, but it is SO deep that it comes out in snarky wit and put downs. I look forward to the woman who will uncage me from all of this.

I don't believe she is anywhere near.

I thought I wanted to live with a woman, but tomorrow I am interviewing a 25 yr old man as a possible roommate. A 45 yr old woman called today almost desperate for the bedroom, but I felt inside that I would rather go with the guy. Huh?

I'm so tired. So very, very tired.

I would love to lie down and have someone tenderly stroke my forehead and hairline until I fell asleep. Doesn't that sound like childhood? Doesn't that sound great?