Is it enough

I've had many drinks tonight.

I just feel lonely.

So much good is happening in my life, and at the same time, what I thought was the only thing that mattered, is slowly and surely dying.

I feel, or should say I think, it is right.

Just, I come home at night, and I feel like enjoying someone's company, and tell them the good things that happened to me, and, just as important, hear the good things that happened to them.

I know that this date wasn't going to supply that.

Maybe I was putting too much onto this date. Maybe this date won't happen and that is best. I really was just trying to be open and just have some fun.

Rejection is something I've had to always deal with. Everybody does, I guess, but acting and love together make for a shit of a tough life. I don't wish this on anybody else ever, but it is what I do. I can't imagine anything else. So...

I would have loved to have failed at this based on it happening rather than not.

I know I can still call. I know there is a chance she might still call.

Hell, I told you I had many drinks. If you can't purge in a blog, then where the hell else can you purge?

Deni always said don't blog drunk.

Deni, from the start, I never took your advice. Sorry.

I might just delete this whole fucking thing. I think I am writing just to do something. I don't even think I actually feel all of the things I am writing. I just need something to do while I drink.

Hey, tomorrow I get cable for the first time in my whole life.

Wow, welcome to the eighties. Huh?

BGR and I decided to do it because the Soprano's is starting up again. Love that show.

Started watching that show at his house actually. He and his wife were out of town, and we were dog sitting. I had a HUGE fight with X that night, so I went to their house alone. I was bored, so I popped in the DVD of the first season, just to see what all the buzz was about.

It hit me. The first episode is all about Tony having his first panic attack. Well, I had just started having panic attacks when I watched that, so, I felt a connection to say the least.

That got me hooked, and there it is.

I'll tell you, never in a million years throughout our whole relationship would I have guessed that BM and I would ever be roomies.

It is going great, don't get me wrong, but, God, I never would have thought.

His X is coming into town this weekend. She is staying here. In his bed.

Creepy.

When X and I started our summary dissolution, I turned to him and said, Look it is so easy.

Hint, hint.

Yeah. Well. OK.

Been a real treat jabbing with you all. Sure wish it amounted to something more than me signing off, and maybe an email later.

Blogs are like tattoos. If you don't do it solely for yourself, than you will most likely be dissappointed at some point.

Yeah. Well. OK.