# 5

After rehearsal, I went to IO to see a friend perform. Having drinks before the show, with a male friend, I noticed a girl with a tattoo peeking out from under her half shirt.

I couldn't stop staring at it. The small of her back, the downey hairs trailing along her spine, the creamy skin off set with that hint of black ink playing hide and seek with me every time her shirt would lift and fall.

I pointed it out to my friend, and he said he had noticed, and couldn't stop looking.

So, I walked over to her.

Just as I got to her, she stood. I said, I like your tattoo.

Thanks, she said, a bit curtly.

What is it?

A paisely, she said. She gave me a look like she was thinking go ahead and make fun of it, I dare you.

I smiled, thinking that this was probably the first real hostile girl I had talked to. I wasn't being cheesy, or brutish. So far, I was just talking to her about her tattoo. Sadly, like most girls, they think you are going to jump them if they give you one inch of conversation. Sadly, like most guys, guys do try to jump them if given that inch.

I wasn't trying for that. Maybe I would have asked for her number. Maybe not. I have a date coming up. That is good enough for me. I'm not placing all my eggs in that basket, but I don't need to work so hard with someone else if I don't want to.

I didn't say anything more about her tattoo, and she slid past me and walked out.

Maybe she wasn't angry at me, maybe it was displaced emotion. Who knows.

I told her what I wanted to, and that's all I can do.

As to my date....

I found out from my friend who gave me her number that she is 27. I am relieved at that. I was concerned I would be too old for her, but that isn't too far off. 11 years? Right?

I also found out that she didn't advance in her class. That sucks. She was one of only two people who didn't move forward. That's hard.

I feel concern about that. Not that she is a loser, or anything, but most people I know who didn't advance go through a self defense period where they blame and hate the theatre.

What if she is going through that? I'm associated with the theatre. Will she displace her anger on me? Will she want to tell me how much she hates the place, expecting me to agree?

I know I am neurotic, and that I shouldn't expect her to have feelings I don't know she has, but I can't stop thinking about it.

My friend, the mutual contact, doesn't think it will be a problem. She said that she thinks this girl is busy enough with her other stuff to not get too upset about this. Let's hope.

My fears going into this date were age, being funny, and the divorce issue.

Age is no longer a fear. I know I will be funny, so I'm letting go of that. The divorce issue is something I can't do anything about. I'm divorced. If you have a problem with it, goodnight.

Maybe I am creating fears. Maybe I'm looking for excuses. Am I really ready?

I know I am excited. Not in a am I going to get some way, but in a I hope I meet someone cool and fun way.

If I just focus on being myself, and getting to know her, then whatever happens will be fine. Even if it doesn't go well. That will be fine.

Right?