Slow down boy

Ok. That previous post was just a wee bit tinged with anger and loneliness.

I feel really great right now. I feel like I am going through the best time of my life. Naturally, when that happens, you feel like loving and being loved.

Probably more like being loved.

As I write this, I'm realizing that what I want is someone to look me in the eyes, and convince me they are proud of me and love me.

I was watching the Fisher King yesterday as I waited for the clock to get to showtime. After Jeff Bridges sets up Robin Williams and Amanda Plummer on their date, Mercedes Ruehl turns to him and as they are making goo goo eyes in the stairwell, she says, I'm proud of you today.

Well, I just burst out crying when that happened.

Not sobbing, but emotion went forth.

It sounds so narcissistic to want someone to love you, but to really have someone love you, I think, just implies that you are doing the equal amount of loving back.

Of course, my reference proves that wrong. Jeff Bridges certainly isn't giving his equal share.

I know it will come. I actually do look forward to the process. Just sometimes, I sit at the bar and I feel like I could go all night, and everyone is leaving, or sitting close to their dates talking in private, and I just don't know where to put my energy.

Not that love necessarily would fix that, but it's an option.

Anyway, I am having the time of my life. Do you know how long it has been since a girl gave me the come here eye because of seeing me perform on stage? Well, about 12 hours right now, but before that... 12 years.

Damn those kids.