The Gift Message

You see, one of the extreme problems with women, as far as men are concerned, is their insistence on "reading into" everything. Every sentence has another meaning, every action has a revealing tell.

Men don't think this way. We are blunt and simple. Women just don't realize that. So, they put ulterior meanings into things that really didn't have much of a primary meaning.

Men are aware of this. That is why giving a girl a gift is near torture.

How will the gift be perceived? What will she think I am saying about what I think we are experiencing?

The first gift of a relationship has kept Pepto Bismal in business for the last twenty years. If it wasn't for Christmas gifts, Xanax was be only a recreational drug.

Now, I have discovered a new threat to my mind's structure. The post marriage birthday gift!

X's birthday is next week. I'm doomed.

She already passed the test. She got me a birthday gift. A really good one too. Probably the best, most incisive gift she EVER got me. It was the Martin Scorsese bio of Bob Dylan, No Direction Home. If you haven't seen it, I recommend it.

It had the double meaning! You see, I have a DVD of The Band's final concert directed by Marty, The Last Waltz (also watch this one), and loved it. I love me my DVD's. X never really appreciated my obsession with them, and would only buy me a DVD if I instructed her implicitly.

Now, her getting me that DVD said, I know you love these DVD's, I know you love this music (The Band was Bob's backup band before they became The Band, that's how they got the name), I know that we are split, but I want you to know that I get it.

That $24 gift said all that!

Now, I have to do the same!

Here are my thoughts, meager and weak as they are.

Two CD's.

She obsesses over music. CD's will give her that. Two says I can match your price, plus give you options to either double obsess, or to enjoy both and break the obsession. Thereby, acknowledging the obsession, and commenting on it as well.

Not strong, I know. Doesn't really comment on the relationship as it stands now. That's where the choice of which two comes in.

She has asked me to burn her a CD that BM has, but it has protection on it and can't be burned. She loves some of the songs on it, so I was thinking of getting that CD for her. However, here is the rub. The title of the CD is Everything Ends.

Will that be read as the comment on the state of things? Is it so bad if that is read that way?

Why can't it just be a CD!?!

I think I will get her that one. She wants it. I'll just have to pair it with another CD with a nice title.

Maybe that Don't Worry Be Happy thing from years ago.