Big Fish, huh? OK

Another great show last night.

I was concerned before hand. What else is new? I'm always concerned! However, my concern was specific, not a general sort of neurosis.

You see, last week's show was very good. It had levels to it. Sadness, tenderness, mystery, and, as should be, hilarity.

That is not easy to do. Or to keep doing week after week.

So, I knew a lot of ACME people were hearing about the show, and wanted to come see for themselves this "great show."

That is a tiny bit of pressure.

Well, in leading up to the performance, I just tried to remind myself not to care. If it went bad, then so what. If I did good, but our show didn't have levels, then so what. If it all went good, then so what. The thing is, it isn't the definition of me, so one show's reception means nothing. So what.

Sure, it is better to be good. It will get you more. That is the goal, but only the goal. It is not the means by which you get there.

Then, last night before we did the show, I walked into the bar and saw a number of ACME folks.

One told me that he was so jealous that he had decided not to be in the show, but he said that he was glad for me, because it really gives me the stage to take for myself. We joked that he sort of sounded like an ass saying that, but he told me he meant it as a huge compliment to me, not as a backhanded one for him.

Then, another told me how great I was last week, and how he couldn't wait for this next one. His girlfriend is in the show, and when he went to the bathroom, she said he had been talking about me all week. She then said that she felt like I was the leader of our troupe.

I ordered a drink, and went backstage to get my head. I was swirling. The thing is, all of that is great to hear. I have been craving that. I am, after all, actually very competitive.

Not getting moved up took a hit to my ego. I told myself that it was the best thing, and I actually believed it while saying it. Now, I'm glad. Their show is suffering, and ours is great. I really do have the stage for myself.

I just can't think that way. That is what I told myself last night after all the compliments and perceived pressure. I told myself not to believe the hype. Not to "read my press" as they say. Don't focus on the results, focus on the action. I told myself to just listen to the people I'm working with. To go with my instincts. I am funny. My instincts will guide me. If I listen, the opportunities will come flooding my way.

They did.

We had another layered show. A lot of the credit goes to my cast as well. They are a good group. A couple of weak ones, but even they are not blackholes like some weak ones have been in the past.

I listened, and focused, and tuned out the audience. Sure enough, gold came to me in every scene. It wasn't even hard. Now, the trick is not to get cocky.

I have to just go in every week confident that I will be funny if I do the right things. Listen, watch, and trust.

I can do that.