Dinner, Drinks, and Pole Dancing

Went out to dinner last night with K and R.

We had actually been planning to go out to dinner since October, and just got the chance.

And let me tell you, Wot a night!

Started out searing. These people read this blog, they are the only ones who I have everyday contact with who actually read this. They know more about me then anyone else in the room.

They are discreet. Last night, though, it was just us, so discretion was not needed.

Well, right off, K starts to tell me about his family and their issues.

Trying to tell me that all familial problems are relative.

Ooh, that one was a stinker.

Seriously, though, he was serious. Which is an unusual mode for him. He revealed stuff to me that was powerful.

Which brought us around to openness.

Rather than feel embarrassed when you tell someone something personal, usually you wind up feeling powerful. The other person does too. In a way, my constant revelations about myself allowed him to open up as well. I find the same with TH.

Great stuff was talked about.

3 bedroom things:

Name three things in your bedroom that are important to you, or you wouldn't want to lose.

1. My photo albums. I have been documenting my life in photos, and I have three thick ones nearly full. I often look through them. Those are vital.

2.My Bozo doll. A small stuffed doll that reminds me of my passion and drive and the whole reason for all.

3. My wedding ring. I had intended to get rid of it after our divorce, but I took it off long ago. Well, now with it off, it has become sacred to me. I found a little round wooden box that X had given me long ago. It has a super tight lid, that sometimes won't pry off, and inside is a tiny note that she had written that says I love you. I put my ring inside that box. I wonder if that desire to keep it will wear off, but for now, it is on my list.

We also talked about confidence.

MM always tells me that I need to learn to love myself, and maybe that is related to this, but K and R seem to think the problem is confidence.

The mistaking me for gay thing from the other day has been in my rotation of things to say that are funny and self deprecating.

K said that most gay men are thin, good looking, and fit. He said that is why I am confused for gay. Maybe. I think also the lack of suppression that I bring to every movement and conversation might do it too.

We talked about my crush. I have been secretly reviving it this weekend, and I spilled the news to them. There have been emails back and forth with her, and I am trying to play it cool, but K pointed out to me that I hang on her every word and that isn't healthy, or cool.

He has always sort of encouraged me despite her boyfriend, because R had a boyfriend when K first met her, and he sees the parallel. However, he thinks that I'm too wrapped up in it, in her.

I think he's right.

I wake up hoping to see her name in my inbox. When I do, a force from inside me leaps at the screen, akin to the alien breaking out through the chest.

What would happen if I got her? What sort of strength do I have that would be attractive to her? I really got to let this go. It's even starting to bug me.

Dinner brought about more talk of how to be more open. The margaritas might have helped. Soon, the talk was about sex, and the puritanical mind set of Americans about sex and the body.

Next thing you know, R wants to go to a stripclub. Not just any stripclub, one that is known for being a place where you can go for girls and still get a normal bar like atmosphere. GF friendly, you might say.

So, we do. What, K or I were going to argue?

The girls use to take their tops off there, but no more it seems. That was lame. Also, R took a pole dancing class and she was critiquing the girls on their lack of pole usage, or tired pole usage. So we left.

Still, anyone else have a better dinner?