Stories I Have Neglected

Let's get them out, here and now.

Christmas day, waking up alone, was very, very silent. I thought it was only supposed to be the night that was silent, but like most things this year, all was topsy scurvy.

I sat at the table, and looked around. Out of my mouth came the words, So, this is Christmas.

Ding!

I jumped to my feet, and frantically searched for a disc I knew I had, but didn't know where. Then I found it. Hi-Fi Holidays. Something I picked up in a Starbucks somewhere, with some pretty cool Christmas songs on it.

Sure enough, it had Happy Christmas(War is Over). When the first verse came on, I burst out crying. I then played the song on repeat for two hours. I finally stopped crying, and then started to enjoy the song.

Then, my parents called.

Dum, dum, dum, DUM!

My mother gave her usual, I did this, I did that. We made light jokes, I'm sure she thought it went great.

She tried to pass me on to my brother, but he was still sleeping, and said no.

She gave me to my father, and said, I don't care if you're dying.

I asked him if he was sick, and he said no, he was playing a computer game.

He said he would hide his guy in the bushes while we spoke.

He started off well, by asking if the link he sent me was maybe not in good spirit.

You see, he had sent a link to a guy who does video posts, and who is a big, fat Italian from Jersey, and sits in a wife beater, and tells it like he sees it.

www.thekidfrombrooklyn.com

Well, the guy IS funny, and has several "ideas", but my dad told me to listen to one is particular. It is called take a shot, and it is all about how you will never make it as an actor unless you know somebody. All your going to be your whole life is some blue collar worker.

Well, fuck you too, I thought.

So, on Christmas, he says maybe that wasn't the most appropriate link to send. I tell him, No, that wasn't good, but I listened to some of the other posts, and yes, he is funny.

Then, we start talking about the day. I tell him about waking up alone, and how odd it is. He is grunting with affirmation. I tell him about my plans for the day, and he still grunts. Then, he suddenly makes a sharp, inhale noise.

I ask what's up? He says his guy just got killed.

He's still playing that goddam game!

I said, Get off the fucking phone.

He said, No, I'll turn the game off.

I told him he already had made that choice. He insisted.

So, I said, Fine, but I'm done making the conversation. You come up with it now.

So, out of the blue, he asks if I still take vitamins. My folks were always big on vitamins, and for awhile, I took them regularly. I don't anymore.

I told him no.

He left it at that, and we talked about nothing for a few more minutes, but he hates initiating the conversation, so we hung up.

Two minutes later, my phone rings. I see on the ID it is my folks, and I think my brother is finally up, and wanting to talk.

No. It is my mother.

She greets me with, What do you mean, you aren't taking your vitamins!?

I asked her if she really called me back, ON CHRISTMAS, to ask me that?

She launched into some rant, and I hung up on her.

Yep, that's right. I hung up on my mother, on Christmas.

Felt great doing it too.

She called back, and I answered with, Say something nice, or you're getting the same.

She said, I love you.

She tried to go back to the conversation, but I threatened the same. She then wished me a pleasant day, and asked if I would like to talk to my brother now?

I said, Tell him he slept through it.



New Year's Eve.

I had to work. I wasn't planning on going out afterwords. It is always such a drag arriving at a party and having everyone leave. It happens to me a lot.

That sounds like I am a real bore, and a party killer, but it is the lateness of the hour. Really. Really!

Well, two friends implored me to come over to The Party.

I got out of work about 12:45, and decided I would go.

I had spent the stroke of midnight in the chef's office eating a slice of ham. I didn't want to ring in this year. Then, everyone at work started coming into the office and hugging me, and something strange occurred.

I felt good.

So, when I finished up, I decided to go party.

I saw a co-worker standing dazed and asked him what he was doing. He said he had no plans, so, even though he is 12 years younger than my group, I invited him to our party. He perked up at the thought, and I felt I did some good.

He still had about an hour left of work, so I told him to call to make sure the party was still going when he was ready.

Then, I went.

It was still quite a party when I got there, and I thought that was great. By the time I had poured my first drink, a group of four said they were leaving, and I knew it was begining.

On the patio, I sat next to a girl I just barely know. She is an actress, and we got into THAT talk. I sure didn't want to talk about how it is going, and what are you doing to get it going, and I'm thinking of doing this to get it going, and maybe I should give up.

I kept trying to joke my way out, but it wasn't working. Then, her drunk fiancee came over, and I found my target. I just pretended to hit on him, and she shut up. They decided to leave.

I wasn't finished with my first drink, and the party went from 25 to 6.

I'm not a party killer. Really! Even when I hit on drunk fiancee's! They were going to leave then, anyways.

I didn't mind the shrinkage, because it was the six people I would have wanted to talk to above all else.

Then, my buddy from work called. I thought, Well, this is going to be interesting.

He came up with his very sweet, very gorgeous girlfriend, and we inserted them into the fold.

My friends are great at bringing people in. They start to talk to you like you were one of the group for the past twenty years.

I sat back and watched these two kids just open up and fall in love with everyone.

The guy is from Boston and is very much an inner city kid. Not too bright, but smart enough. He is a big guy, and would like to be an actor, but he thinks he is ugly. I watched him, and thought, How can you think you are ugly when you got a girl who looks like this sleeping with you?

He told stories of how his dad beat him, and how he hates himself. My friends weren't shocked. We all have stories like that. Maybe not the beating, but tough childhood tales.

I watched for his girl's reaction to him saying he hates himself. I wanted to see if it was possible to hold onto a girl when you think like that. The funny thing was, I kept thinking, Why in the world do you hate yourself? What do you have to hate? Kid, you've got it all.

Then, I laughed, cuz I've heard the same recently from my friends. I know deep down there is no reason to think that way, but even deeper down is the repeat thought button.

Watching him though really started to bring that home.