My Voice Of Reason

My friend SD is always trying to help. She is my voice of reason.

She doesn't find my ramblings funny or pretend or trivial. Sometimes, I do, but never her. She takes every word to heart and responds in kind. I love her for it.

She may try to help and wind up baring her soul, but it still helps. Even more than if she hadn't bared, because it just reinforces the universal truth that we all are the same, we just differ in the little things that weigh on our minds.

She told me that being in love doesn't solve it all. I wish she was wrong, but I know she is right.

I wish someday to find someone who would make me so, so, so very happy, but that won't happen. I might find someone who brightens my life for a bit, but eventually they will stop being novel and I will see me again, and then I will notice that they don't do it anymore. I don't look forward to that day.

I'm not sure how to fix it for me. According to SD, I really have quite a bit going for me, but that just makes me scared. I mean, if I have this much going for me, and still it isn't doing what I need, then what the hell is it going to take? Can I get there? Hell, man, I've been in therapy for five years! I'm definitely getting better, but not enough to stop the pain.

So what else?

If not love, if not mental health (or the nearest I can get), if not life's pursuits, then fuck man what?!?!?!

Seriously, who has it figured out?

Tell me! Write me now!

I know that is sounding a bit angry.... but as SD also says.... too long without sex can also make you a tiny bit frustrated.

A tiny bit.