Too Simple

Conundrum.

What is right, by my values, to what is right, by my needs.

There is this girl.

How many tales of woe have started out with that line? This is another tale that wiser men would advise the young to steer clear of.

You see, there is this girl who is at the acting studio I'm involved with. We used to be in class together, but since I was moved up to Master class, I don't see her anymore.

That is, until today.

We are putting on a showcase this Tuesday, and we are drumming up industry types to come to it. Today, we made cold calls. The producer of the show asked for volunteers amongst the studio students, and the open secret is that if you volunteer, you will most likely be in future shows.

So, she showed up to volunteer.

Oh, and she likes me. I already knew that. This isn't a blog of discovery. This is a blog of weighing morals.

We were in class together, like I said, and she would always tell me how great and funny I was. She asked me questions like how long I had been out here, and where do I work. Stuff like that to find out more about me. Turned out she works near where I work, and she stopped in once to see me, but I wasn't there that night.

This all sounds good, right? What is the problem, right?

Well, she is... to put it nicely... simple.

To not put it nice, she's dumb.

I mean she's sweet! She's young! She's southern. She's simple.

She's probably about 23 years old, and has a lean body that a 23 year old should have.

Young and simple.

Not really what I'm looking for. Young I could compromise on, if you showed me some substance.

At the Christmas party for the studio, I talked with her quite a bit, wrestling with my inner demons. My better self won that night.

So, I walk into the room today for the calls, and there she is.

The producer and I start talking about wine. He is a huge wine collector, and recently went up to Santa Barbara for a winery tour.

He was telling me about this great winery where they have horses, and you stroll around petting the animals as you get tanked. He told me I HAD to go there.

I said I couldn't wait to go up for a winery tour, but that I was waiting until I had appropriate female companionship to make the trip worth it.

She then turned to me and said, I would love that, Tony.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

She is basically saying take me up north, get me drunk, and lay me down south.

I couldn't speak for a moment.

I just stared at her lean body, thinking YES! Then, I would notice her leather boots with her jeans tucked into them, and her blank expression, and I would imagine the conversation on the two hour drive, and the buckets of wine I would have to down so that conversation wasn't necessary. I would think NO!

Then, I would think about how long nine months is, and has been, and I would think YES! I would think about how little I see her in my daily life, and how there isn't anyone else right now who fits that bill, and who is willing, and I would think YES!

Then, I would think about her showing up at work to surprise me, and subsequently talking to people, and I would think NO!

Or the people at the studio finding out, as you damn well know they would, and NO, NO, NO!

I just stood there.

So simple. So, so simple.

Just not for me.