ruminations

Ok, Mom is gone.

This really was the worst time I have ever had with her. I felt so disconnected from her, and I keep trying to go back and see what my part in the whole thing was, but all I can see is her not listening, stumbling forward on her assumed path of the right thing to do, and just talking for talking sake, even if it made no sense.

I know that she just loves me, and wants me to be ok, but she just couldn't let that go. I really think she had no clue as to what an awful job she was doing. She actually asked me if she should stay longer. Oh, my god, can you imagine?

I think I rebelled at her because I just couldn't tell her that she was using stupid metaphors, or that she was drunk, and pointless statements were coming out of her mouth. How do you tell your mom that stuff? Instead, I just shut down, and wouldn't talk, or I would try to change the subject on her, or find the holes in her logic, and ask her what they meant until she herself gave up. I was a bit cruel.

So, gotta put that behind me. Move forward.

I did get cast in the next improv show, in fact, both runs of it, which means I will be doing improv with them until April of next year. That is a long time. I better be great by then. I wish it was the soap format that we had such great success with, but this will be more of a challenge and learning experience for me, and that is probably better.

Oh, the roomate thing!

I had initially wanted to live with a woman, since I had been use to that standard of clean and domesticity for some time now. I just didn't know any women who needed a place to live, and I thought it would be weird putting an ad out for a woman, and then having them find out I just got divorced, and having to prove to them that I won't rape them. It's almost like dating.

Still, however, I didn't want a big, sloppy guy.

Then, I thought, with the help of a friend, of another friend of mine, who is in need of some financial solvency, and taking on a roomate would be just the thing. He is gay, which means he falls into the in-between category of what I was looking for. Not sloppy, but totally into me raping him.

The only hitch is, he comes with a dog. We will have to see if his dog will get along with my cat, and more important, if my cat will allow his dog to get along with it.

When I think of the financial ease of splitting the cost of this place with him, though, I get giddy with the idea that I will be able to afford so much now. Like lunch. And clothes. Ooh, the luxury of it all. Maybe, just maybe, if I feel indulgent, I could get proper medical treatment for that lesion affecting my liver.

That will be a lot better than chewing on beetle dung, like that Mexican chiclet seller told me to do.