In Turnaround

Busy weekend.

The show last Friday was better, but not great. Many of the muckity-mucks at the theatre came and saw it, and for my part, I had a respectable turn. Not great, but I got some good laughs at the start and a couple near the end. A friend who saw it said that I stood out. He is one of the muckity-mucks, and wouldn't say that if he didn't mean it. So, that's cool.

Then on Saturday, our director sent out an email saying that he was dropping this new format, in a couple of weeks, because now that it is part of the main troupes ticket show, he feels it is an odd combo, so he is bringing back Scandal!, and asked us all to create new characters.

Funny, at the end of the last run of Scandal!, we all wanted it to continue, and as a show, it is much stronger than what we are doing, but when the announcement went out, I must admit that I wanted to keep doing the tough show. As a performer, I will be better at Scandal! in the short term, but for the over all picture, it would have been a better skill to learn how to do the other format, and get good at it. Oh well. I do enjoy me some Scandal!

Saturday I went to a jazz club that I had been hearing about for years, and just thought that LA people didn't know what they were talking about. Then, as soon as I walked in, I knew I had made a mistake. That place is the bomb. Righty-o. Such great music and what a perfect scene. Made me feel like Chicago. I am going back soon, let me tell you that, Jack.

Had a strange dream last night where I was on a date with a woman, and I kept apologizing to her for having to go out with me, and putting myself down. Even as I dreamt of it, I remember thinking, What are you doing? Stop doing this, it isn't true.

I really got to lighten up on myself. I think ultimately, I don't really love myself. That, or maybe it is that, from an early time in my life, I felt I was destined for great things, and that hasn't really happened yet, so maybe I blame myself for not actualizing it, rather than tell myself maybe I had unrealistic impressions of my future as a child, and it is time to rethink that.

Whatever the case, I am a little nervous today. I am making dinner for a girl I work with. She covered a shift I desperately needed to get off, and as an inticement to work when she didn't want to, I offered to make her dinner. Nothing is going to happen, she is dating some guy, but there were sparks between us, ironically when I was married. I am viewing this as a practice date, with out the pressure of what happens at the end of the night. Still, I am nervous. God, when I actually have a real date, and there will actually be chances for something at the end, I am going to be SO nervous, that I am sure I will make myself sick. I already feel a bit nauseous now. Imagine trying to get it on, and the whole time feeling like it could all come up at any moment. No wonder dating is primarily meant for the young. I think we get much more adapt at making ourselves wrecks as we go through life.

Yep, that enough Woody Allen films for awhile.